We have a new dog

For La D's birthday, the DiL and the MiL gave her a new dog. It's very sweet. It also does not get wet, smell, poo, eat food or need exercise. It's absolutely brilliant. The only drawback that I can see at the moment, is that you wouldn't really want to cuddle it. It's a bit cold in that respect.

He's called Ozzie, after our real Springer who is living a life of luxury and Riley (if you can put these two things together) in Sussex.

Your good health

Yes it was that time again. I had my six monthly visit to the anti-diabetico clinic last Friday. My pee and blood tests and annual ECG check-up looked OK and I was fairly confident of a ‘good’ visit to the dottoressa.

I was right. She was very pleased with all my results and I was only with her for a few minutes. Phew. I am not a great fan of hospital visits, particularly mine, but if they all like that then it will be OK. Obviously it’s really down to me. La D concurs!

Mrs Malaprop plus!

I don’t know really know what to call some of the phrases that La D utters, but whatever it is, it can be remarkably funny.

The other night there was something on Italian TV about “idioms”. I hadn’t quite followed what was being said and asked La D what it was.

She said,

’It’s like those silly knock, knock jokes. You know, hmmmm like ‘Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nicholas. Nicholas who? Nicholas girls shouldn’t climb trees. Or Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isobel. Isobel who? Is a girl necessary on a stick!’ I just looked at La D and nodded sagely.

Do you understand the second one? I don’t. I haven’t got a clue.

A birthday treat

The weather has been atrocious over the last couple of months. The only really good dry and sunny day we have had recently was the day of La D’s birthday. I did ask several times if she really wanted to go out and start pruning the olives. She was adamant.

‘The weather is good L’uomo chi fa. Let’s to arms (or pruning implements anyway) and get on with it.’

We started in the morning, made good headway and stopped for lunch. As it was a special day, we had a birthday snifter at lunchtime to celebrate the day.

‘Right,’ La D suddenly said, ‘Onwards and upwards.’ She managed to get her outdoor shoes again and we started to wander back down the olive grove.

‘Darling,’ I said, ‘Are you going to leave your wine glass here?’

‘No. I’ll just take it down with me and finish it off gradually.’

‘OK darling.’

So on we went pruning away. La D suddenly announced she was going to go into one of the bigger trees to get rid of the suckers growing there. I continued to prune the next tree along.

After a little while, I heard a short, sharp screech and a small thump. La D had fallen out of the tree and banged her leg on one of the lower branches, giving her a nasty bruise.

‘Are you OK La D?’ I said as I hurried over to her sitting on the grass under the olive.

‘Yes, yes. Don’t fuss man. I’m fine. I’m fine. Can you give me a hand up?’

‘You’re not gong to go up again are you? I said.

‘Of course. A little scratch like that won’t stop me.’

With that she launched herself up the tree again and started snipping away at the unwanted foliage. I returned to my tree. A few seconds later there was another screech and another thump, plus a lot of expletives.

I turned and saw La D once again on the grass, but this time holding her arm.

‘Right,’ I said, attempting to be authoritative, ‘No more climbing trees for you la D.’

‘Oh OK darling. Help me up will you? My arm is really sore.’

I’m sure it is. Now why don’t you just stick to pruning at ground level?’

‘OK. But you know the amazing thing L’uomo chi fa?’ she said.

‘No. What?’ I asked, nervously.

She held up her wine glass, ‘I’ve fallen out of the tree twice and haven’t broken the glass! Isn’t that incredible?’ Doh.

La D says that I have to point out my use of considerable literary licence here, mainly in reference to wine and glasses!

PS He he.

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder because he wanted to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that just a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all."

"Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Ciao, mantenere la fede